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Sen. Clinton announces Craig pardon, while the Ex-President and an unnamed Baptist minister, also pardoned, applaud.

Clinton Pardons Unknown


Recipient "Befuddled"

In a stunning new development, CNN has learned that Hillary Clinton has issued a pardon for unknown Texas oil man Wallace H. Craig. While Sen. Clinton has no legal authority to issue pardons, this apparently was not taken into consideration and Mrs. Clinton feels that recent precedents set by her husband, the Ex-President, allowed her to take this action. Mrs. Clinton stated, "A misconception has arisen, sponsored by the media, that pardons are available only to our rich criminal friends. I wanted to set the record straight and let the people of this country know that pardons are available to the average, law abiding, middle class citizen...and at a reasonable rate!"
The befuddled Craig, of Midland, Texas, seemed to take it all in stride though stating that, "I don't know of anything I need to be pardoned for, although it is a comforting thought that if I do commit some heinous felony, or even several misdemeanors, now I'm taken care of." When asked how he thought he was chosen for the pardon Craig responded, "Well gosh, I guess it was the form I filled out on the Clinton's www.pardons-r-us.com website." I thought it was a joke, but I did enter my Visa card number and checked the 'Yes I'll contribute' box, but again I thought this was a joke by some computer geek or a promotion for some new reality based pardon show on TV. I never expected this. It was only after I got the email confirming a $1000 debit to my account that I started to wonder." When asked if this would change his life and what he would do with the pardon Mr. Craig mused, "Well, it says Negotiable Instrument on the face of the pardon, I guess I could sell it on E-Bay", or he chuckled, "I have two friends on the East Coast who are potential felons, I think they may find it useful to purchase this from me."
Story from staff reports
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Rich statement on Clinton pardon
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List of Clinton pardons
In-Depth: The Clinton Years
Message Board: Clinton pardons

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